Dating over Forty is like shopping on Christmas Eve

Dating over forty is like shopping at Target on Christmas Eve: there’s just not a lot left that fits.

Now, notice I didn’t say there wasn’t anything left, just that it’s really hard to find someone who’s going to “fit” YOU. Hey, I’m out there swinging too you know! I’m not going to dis myself!

But, it’s so, so true. Try going to Target or any other store this Christmas Eve.  Mostly, what’s left is the stuff that’s broken, or stained, or has fallen under the rack and no one’s stopped to pick it up and it’s been stepped on for days. Is there some good stuff there in and around the broken bits? Sure there is. That really great pair of earrings some poor misguided soul brought back December 23 is there, hanging out with all the singles that have lost their mate because some five year-old hopped up on candy canes took them all apart and flung them around the sad forgotten Christmas trees in the back of the store.

But, as great as those earrings are, you’ve really gotta look for them, because they aren’t going to jump out and grab you. By this time, they’re probably tired of hanging there, waiting to be taken home where they’ll be loved and appreciated. Hell, they’ve been taken back once already. Now they’re supposed to work up a good sparkle just because they see you coming? What’s the point? Better to just stay hidden behind that one hideous neon orange hoop left over from summer and have a nice cup of cocoa until the January sales hit.

Besides, who’s to say that really great pair of earrings is going to be really great for you? Maybe the shape is right, but they’re gold and you need silver. Or vice versa, or whatever. The point is that to find the pair of earrings that’s going to work for you, and that’s going to work all year round for that matter, not just with your Christmas outfit, you’ve got to get out there and LOOK. Try things on, experiment, get outside your comfort zone. You have to keep you mind open and willing to think outside the box, even when you think you need hoops, but what shows up are studs. Or clip-ons. (Snort. Sorry, I couldn’t stop myself.)

Which is why I intentionally, and with great forethought, stopped dating over two years ago. When dating becomes one more thing on your TO DO list that you just want to get over with so you can go home and go to bed —alone— it’s time to take yourself out of the game.

So, all of this is to say, that after a two year dating hiatus, I started dating again late this summer, and in the words of my dearly departed Granny Burke, it’s been real and it’s been fun, but it ain’t been real fun. The guys I’ve met have actually been great, but it’s been a bit like trying to stuff a size eight foot into a size four shoe. A lot of work for none of the cute.

Because, damnit, it’s harder now. It just is, and if anyone tells you different they’re lying. Or married. (Sorry married people, but if you haven’t dated in the last ten years, you haven’t dated.) When we were all in college or our early twenties, we were ALL single. The pool was bigger and there were a lot more people in it. Besides, life is a lot more complicated than it was when we were in college. Now, not only are you trying to find someone who’ll fit you, but one or both of you probably has kids and/or aging parents, a house, a mortgage, a job you have to work at too much and, if you live where I do, a yard full of leaves to rake. Because you don’t have anything else to do on your Saturday morning.

And, as hard as it is, if you don’t get out there and start sifting through the bits of broken, stained and twisted pieces, there’s just no way to find that one person who’s going to “FIT”. That one person who will totally GET you and all your weirdness and still think you’re hot and sexy and want to rip your clothes off. And call you the next day. And the next. Even when your kid is causing drama and your mother is screaming that you never come see her (No, not you, mom, I’m being hypothetical here.), and you get home from work and start to defrost the chicken only to remember you have fifteen minutes to get to the parent-teacher meeting that YOU called…

Yeah, that person. Because that person is looking for someone who gets them and all their weirdness and likes the fact that you don’t ask why the DVD’s are arranged alphabetically by genre.  Because you get them.  And they get you.

They. Get. YOU.

Which means, I have to get out there and kiss some frogs. So, I’m dating, and going through all the drama and angst and weirdness that is dating over forty, hoping to find my prince, with all his weirdness and foibles and tarnished bent crown. Because he’s out there somewhere and I’ve decided it’s time to find him.

And, if he wears an earring, maybe he’ll let me borrow the other one for my Christmas party dress. ☺