Are you who you’ve always been?

Hi All,

Now that I’m solidly in my forty’s – and how the hell did that happen?? – I’ve been
pondering this question:  Am I who I’ve always been – just older?

I know, it’s a philosophical question and most of you were probably expecting a
joke.  But I’m serious.  Do we change over time?  By that, I mean, do our
personalities evolve as we get older.  Do our experiences change us?  Or, once
puberty is over are we done?  Is that it?  At twenty, is our basic personality,
outlook on life, beliefs, biases, and truths set and determinable?  Even
more than determinable – determined?  Are we still evolving as human beings and
men and women?  Or as Popeye says: “I yam who I yam, and that’s all I yam!”?

I have a friend who is in his late 30’s and who seems to still think he is who he was at 17 – and it still has a defining grasp on his life.  This belief he has, that he is who he always was and will always be, not only colors his decisions, but he believes that this is how others see him also!

I have another friend who says she is defined by the fact that she is a mother, and that has always been her goal.  All else is secondary.  She tried for a long time to have children, and once she did, her purpose was complete.  Or, maybe, fait accompli?

Yet another friend refuses to be defined by her past.  Her mantra seems to be
“To look forward is the only choice”.  She tosses baggage, and, to a point, experiences, behind her faster than it could be lost on a transcontinental flight.  Most of the time without “unpacking” at all.

So, here’s what I think:  I don’t think I’m made up of a conglomeration of my experiences.  But, I do think I am the person I’ve become because of those experiences I choose to give value and meaning to.  Now, that value and meaning could be good or bad.  And, those experiences could become some of that baggage we all carry around.  Bags with tags labeled “Fat girl”, “Highschool Dweeb”, “Techno-Diva”, and the ubiquitious “Parents – ‘Nuff Said”.  But, it’s whether or not I choose to place value that makes the experience a part of me.  If an experience has no value, then it has no more meaning to me than yesterday’s newspaper.  Less really, because yesterday’s newspaper is full of history.  Experiences that have no value have no history, and thus no meaning.  They just…happened.  Just another lunch via the drive through, not a meal worth savoring, much less remembering.

So which is it?  Once we live through adolescence, we’re all Popeye’s walking around toting spinach?  Or, do our experiences make up our truths about ourselves and the world?  Whether we want them to or not?