I think I’m Addicted to the Internet

I think it started with the Blackberry, otherwise aptly referred to as the “Crackberry”.  Once I had 24/7 access to my email, the downward slide on the slippery sloap started.  It doesn’t help that I’m a little bit ADD and usually have Safari AND Firefox open, with about 10 tabs open on each. (Don’t ask.  Trust me, you don’t want to know.)

Then I discovered Facebook and Twitter.  Both of which had Crackberry apps – YAY!  Now I could see my email, update my Facebook and Tweet to my little hearts content — all from my phone!  Then, everyone I know started getting wireless at their house so I started carrying my laptop everywhere, too.  I could get internet access at mom’s, Jenny’s, all of my friends, work, the parking lot, Starbucks, Panera, the dentists office, even the airport!

However, I can NOT get internet access on the Plane.  Last night I was on a six hour flight from San Jose to Louisville and I was seriously jonesing for some Google.

It wasn’t pretty.

I’m up in the air, and the whole world, my whole world anyway, was going on like usual…without me.  I’m stuck next to a guy taking up all of his seat and a third of mine, and I have to deal with it without internet access.  No Yahoo, no Etsy, I can’t monitor the comments on my blogs, or checkout the conversations on any of the forums I frequent.  Not to mention no Twitter or Facebook.  And, I’m not even going to think about all the blog posts I can’t read!

Yes, I know, there’s a lot more going on in the world that should have my attention.  There’s Haiti, the Middle East (Although, let’s be honest, those guys haven’t been nice neighbors for eons.), whether or not Brad and Angelina are really breaking up.

I know, I get it.

But, all I could think about last night was the tweets I was missing, the Facebook updates I wasn’t commenting on, who’s got the highest Bejeweled score!?!

Hey…I told you I was an addict!

Setting Bounderies…Feeling Guilty. Where’s THAT Boundery?

I’m having a difficult week, which isn’t all that surprising because it’s January and I’m an accountant and “difficult” is pretty much the best you can expect at this time of year. But, I’m having a difficult week because I’m having trouble with boundaries and a friend of mine. (I’m going to use “They” since it’s a gender neutral tag, so all you grammar mavens out there cut me some slack!)

I have this friend whom I love very much, but who frustrates the crap out of me. In my humble opinion, They won’t take the steps necessary to make sure they stay healthy. Okay, I need to backup: They have a pervasive and chronic health problem and on top of that, an anxiety disorder that complicates the whole picture. This is a health problem They didn’t bring on themselves, and the health problem is something that usually effects people of the opposite gender, so some of the treatments and therapies haven’t necessarily been optimized for their gender. It’s a problem.

And, while I’m sympathetic to this problem, there are times that I’m also extremely frustrated with how my friend deals with the problem. To the point that when They find themselves in a crises I just want to shake them for letting it happen. Because, again, in my opinion, They LET IT HAPPEN because they don’t take care of themselves.

For example, if I couldn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours a night for months at a time, I would FIX IT. I hate taking pills, I have terrible asthma and allergies and I grew up taking pills and using inhalers. BUT, if I couldn’t sleep I’d do something about it, even if it meant I had to take a couple of pills a couple of times a day.
But, They don’t. They wait until they are completely exhausted and Their anxiety is at an all time high and they can’t get their ass off the couch and go to work before They do anything about it.

And when I can’t muster any sympathy for Them — because in all honesty they look like crap when They get to this point and I feel like I SHOULD feel sympathy for them — I feel at best like a terrible friend, and at worst an uncaring bitch.

Now, don’t think it’s escaped my attention that this sounds like it’s “all about me”. On the one hand, this is my blog, so it IS all about me. But, on the other hand, when my friend does this to Themselves it does cause an interruption in my life. And, did I mention it was January? I have a life going on, I have a business moving at rocket speed (They do, too) and I’m trying to launch a new blog. So, I’m a little frustrated that I feel like I’m supposed to stop and cater to Them.

And, They’re having a bad week, too. Their significant other moved out. That’s BAD. BUT, none of the rest of us get to lie on the couch sobbing and depressed, do we? No, we have to duct tape our emotions back together and get our ass to work. Or, maybe I’m just not capable of understanding how an anxiety disorder effects someone? But, I’ve talked to a couple of other friends who either have an anxiety disorder, or have taken anxiety meds in the past when something tragic happened in their lives and they needed help to deal with it, and, consequently, continue living their life. They all agree that this is ridiculous. You take the meds in order TO get off the couch.

Which leads me right back to feeling like this is self-indulgent, manipulative, and passive-aggressive on my friend’s part. In my world, or at least how I grew up, when you are an adult you take care of yourself and your life. You do whatever it takes to keep yourself together and, if you can’t, you get help.
I don’t know what the answer is. I only know I’m frustrated and impatient with the whole thing and I’m pissed that it’s distracting me from what I need to do right now.

So, where do I set the boundary? And, how do I maintain it?
Or, has this relationship finally run its course? I feel mean and a bit hateful walking away from my friend just as their significant other also left Them, but I also feel like They are being an emotional vampire and I just don’t have anything left to give. And, what’s more, I really don’t want to.

I’m just not sure where that leaves me.

Apple – They so totally get it.

So Microsoft is a puffy and proud of their new Windows 7 and their new stores.  Now, you guys know I’m a Mac girl, so I’m completely unimpressed.  Microsoft lost me a long time ago, and the only reason I even have windows on my Mac is because QuickBooks for a Mac totally sucks (and Intuit should be ashamed about it, too.), so I have to have the PC version in order to work on my clients books.

But, anyway.

Apple, of course, is one step ahead.  Microsoft is going to have stores?  Well, Apple is completely revamping their stores, and, oh, btw, it’s going to be a complete “experience” when you go to the store so you can interact with your community of other Mac people.

The link to the FastCompany article I just read is below.  I can’t wait until I can visit the new store in Palo Alto!

http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/cliff-kuang/design-innovation/apple-fires-back-microsoft-plans-revamped-store

Figuring Out What Ails Ye.

(NOTE: I posted this over on http://michellesemones.wordpress.com/, but I think it works here, too. Just in case you thought you were seeing double!)

I’ve noticed something over the last few years: There is a definite connection between my sense of self and my body, and if I’m not paying attention to my Self, my Body will make me pay attention.

About three years ago, just after I moved back to Kentucky, I started having sever pain in my right arm. Of course, being the focused workaholic that I am, I didn’t actually notice it until my arm hurt so bad I could barely lift it above my shoulder. Much nagging from my mother, culminating with a conversation that ended with “until you go to the doctor I don’t want to hear another word about this. Go. To. The. Doctor.”, ensued.
Mothers. Gotta love ‘em.

So, after that, of course I hung up the phone and immediately called the doctor.

Okay, no, I didn’t.

I immediately got online and asked my writing friends what I should do. I was sure there was a stretch or new chair, or something that would help my arm. The collective advice I received there was to go to a chiropractor, which I did for over a year, and she helped, she truly did. But, the problem didn’t go away. So, THEN, I went to the doctor.

Why, yes, I do think I can fix all my problems myself. Your point is?

Anyway, that doctor sent me to another doctor, who sent me to a hand specialist, who diagnosed the problem…in my neck. Yep, turns out, wasn’t my hands at all, it was my neck. Mostly from slouching ten to fifteen hours a day at a computer! Turns out your mother (maybe just MY mother?) was right, good posture is important.

Dontcha hate it when that happens?

Now, the hand specialist helped my problem the most with stretching exercises and correcting my posture, and helping me to create an ergonomically correct work station. I wish I could say he healed me, but until I no longer work at a computer, odds are I’ll forever be battling the pain in my neck. But, at least now I have a strategy.

I told you that whole story to get to this point: The pain was in my neck, literally. But, the real PAIN was in my client list. Another kind of pain in the neck, ironically enough.

Unbeknownst to me (mostly because I have this thing where I think I can FIX IT ALL), I’d had a good relationship go bad, and because I wouldn’t face the truth, my body forcibly brought it to my attention.
This was a client I’d had for ten years. We’d been through everything you can imagine. The ups and downs of business with the rise and fall of the Tech Boom, and then the implosion of the tech bust. We’d been through moving the business out of his garage and into a real office, having to let go of members of the original core team, my divorce, his youngest child being born with a heart defect, even the death of my father. We’d become much more than client and accountant, we’d become friends.

Which is why I didn’t realize exactly how toxic and co-dependant our relationship had become. The how’s and why’s are a post for another day. My point now is that subconsciously I knew the relationship was going south, I just didn’t want to face it. So, my Body forced me to.

Suddenly, I couldn’t work from sun up to sun down because my fingers would go numb and my elbow would freeze. Suddenly, I was waking up in the middle of the night with a cramp in my shoulder joint and a crick in my neck. My body was screaming at me and I was forced to listen.

It was only through the fight to get better that I realized what the problem was, because I was forced to pay attention to what my body was telling me. That’s when I started to realize that every time my phone rang my stomach dropped, that every time I dialed into the client’s server my head would start pounding. My body knew what I didn’t know: that sometimes even long term friendships run their course.

Was I sad? You betcha. Did I immediately fix the problem and resign from the client. No, not immediately, but eventually, yes. And, the good thing is we both managed to remain friends. Not as good of friends as we once were, but friends of a sort. Which makes me happy, because I hate to burn a bridge if I can save it.

So, how about you? Has your body every sent you a message you refused to hear? How’d that work out for
you?