Setting Bounderies…Feeling Guilty. Where’s THAT Boundery?

I’m having a difficult week, which isn’t all that surprising because it’s January and I’m an accountant and “difficult” is pretty much the best you can expect at this time of year. But, I’m having a difficult week because I’m having trouble with boundaries and a friend of mine. (I’m going to use “They” since it’s a gender neutral tag, so all you grammar mavens out there cut me some slack!)

I have this friend whom I love very much, but who frustrates the crap out of me. In my humble opinion, They won’t take the steps necessary to make sure they stay healthy. Okay, I need to backup: They have a pervasive and chronic health problem and on top of that, an anxiety disorder that complicates the whole picture. This is a health problem They didn’t bring on themselves, and the health problem is something that usually effects people of the opposite gender, so some of the treatments and therapies haven’t necessarily been optimized for their gender. It’s a problem.

And, while I’m sympathetic to this problem, there are times that I’m also extremely frustrated with how my friend deals with the problem. To the point that when They find themselves in a crises I just want to shake them for letting it happen. Because, again, in my opinion, They LET IT HAPPEN because they don’t take care of themselves.

For example, if I couldn’t sleep for more than 2-3 hours a night for months at a time, I would FIX IT. I hate taking pills, I have terrible asthma and allergies and I grew up taking pills and using inhalers. BUT, if I couldn’t sleep I’d do something about it, even if it meant I had to take a couple of pills a couple of times a day.
But, They don’t. They wait until they are completely exhausted and Their anxiety is at an all time high and they can’t get their ass off the couch and go to work before They do anything about it.

And when I can’t muster any sympathy for Them — because in all honesty they look like crap when They get to this point and I feel like I SHOULD feel sympathy for them — I feel at best like a terrible friend, and at worst an uncaring bitch.

Now, don’t think it’s escaped my attention that this sounds like it’s “all about me”. On the one hand, this is my blog, so it IS all about me. But, on the other hand, when my friend does this to Themselves it does cause an interruption in my life. And, did I mention it was January? I have a life going on, I have a business moving at rocket speed (They do, too) and I’m trying to launch a new blog. So, I’m a little frustrated that I feel like I’m supposed to stop and cater to Them.

And, They’re having a bad week, too. Their significant other moved out. That’s BAD. BUT, none of the rest of us get to lie on the couch sobbing and depressed, do we? No, we have to duct tape our emotions back together and get our ass to work. Or, maybe I’m just not capable of understanding how an anxiety disorder effects someone? But, I’ve talked to a couple of other friends who either have an anxiety disorder, or have taken anxiety meds in the past when something tragic happened in their lives and they needed help to deal with it, and, consequently, continue living their life. They all agree that this is ridiculous. You take the meds in order TO get off the couch.

Which leads me right back to feeling like this is self-indulgent, manipulative, and passive-aggressive on my friend’s part. In my world, or at least how I grew up, when you are an adult you take care of yourself and your life. You do whatever it takes to keep yourself together and, if you can’t, you get help.
I don’t know what the answer is. I only know I’m frustrated and impatient with the whole thing and I’m pissed that it’s distracting me from what I need to do right now.

So, where do I set the boundary? And, how do I maintain it?
Or, has this relationship finally run its course? I feel mean and a bit hateful walking away from my friend just as their significant other also left Them, but I also feel like They are being an emotional vampire and I just don’t have anything left to give. And, what’s more, I really don’t want to.

I’m just not sure where that leaves me.